WHAT I WANT TO REMEMBER FROM BJ NOVAK'S WASH U SHOW

(((Quotes are loosely remembered)))
  1. As a jew, there's nowhere I feel more comfortable telling mildly dirty jokes than in the chapel out of a Netflix special on the Spanish Inquisition.
  2. Rainn Wilson improvised "Just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I will plant my seed in you."
  3. "I think creed might have been the only character on the office who believed he actually had a job in an office for eight years and just got paid really well."
  4. "All due respect to Edgar Allen Poe and Lord Byron, but there's really no such thing as a romantic period."
  5. The show started and ended with a "that's what she said" joke.
  6. "Do you ever find yourself in public accidentally undressing a girl with your hands?"
  7. "I was making out with a girl this weekend and she asked if she could call me daddy--which I was not ok with--but I wanted to be a good sport so I said she could call me dad."
  8. WUPHF was discussed.
  9. Novak read a text from Jenna Fischer about how good/gross Imos pizza is.
  10. "Bill Nye probably went to his guidance counselor when he was 14 or 15 and said 'I don't know what to do. The possibilities are endless. And my last name, Nye, rhymes with guy. I can be the guy who definitively represents anything.' Bill Nye. Could have been the mattress guy. But he said fuck you Einstein I'm gonna be the science guy."
  11. "Who here is from the east coast? The winters are just too long there. Like I'm all for a white Christmas, but I just feel a white MLK Jr. Day and Black history month are inappropriate."
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  12. Some kid made a cardboard cut out of BJ's brother, Lev's, face.
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  13. Q&A: second favorite animal is the chickadee because it's fun to say and it was the name of a magazine BJ used to read when he was little
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  14. I dropped my girlfriend off at the airport on Saturday. I said I'll pick her back up when she calms down.
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  15. The focus of lack of privacy online arguments should be on the millimeter between the search bar and where you put what you want to broadcast to the world. "Let me tell you about a couple of times I've tweeted what I wanted to search - BJ Novak. BJ Novak funny. BJ Novak not funny. Miranda Cosgrove 18.
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  16. Shy puppet bit
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  17. Learned nothing in college because I double majored in psychology and reverse psychology
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  18. The other day I saw this guy drinking water that inside, had cubes of frozen water!!! I thought, that guy must really like water!
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  19. *read Wikipedia Brown
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  20. The great thing about porn is everyone's a star.
    Suggested by   @rlthornton
  21. Sometimes I feel like a man inside a woman's body. And then I realize, my girlfriend's pussy is just that tight.
    Suggested by   @rlthornton