HOW TO SURVIVE TIMES SQUARE

Times Square SUX!!! We all know this. It's permanently packed, slow as molasses and full of people trying to get to you to a comedy show or bus ride. Sometimes we must be there, though. And if you must, here's how to deal.
  1. Get there early
    "Whut why?! I don't want to spend more time there than necessary!" Ya I know. But chances are you're seeing a show or going to a meeting - something inside a building. Get there early so that you don't have to rush to make it on time.
  2. Be at peace with the fact that you will be moving VERY. SLOWLY.
    If you got there early, this shouldn't be a problem! No matter what you will be walking slowly. School groups. Tourists. Humans mesmerized by the billboard. People who LOVE that person dressed as Elmo. They are all obstacles who will NOT move out of your way because you're late to the Jesse Eisenberg play or whatever the hell. Just be chill with the fact that when in Times Square you are a 🐢
  3. Remember that Times Square is FUCKING AMAZING if you've never seen anything like it
    Tourists take their time and make a point to visit because there isn't anything like the M&Ms Store or the massive Sephora in their hometown. So let them enjoy it and don't be a big fucking baby about it. I'll bet a million duckets you once thought the Naked Cowboy was cool too.
  4. Get in, get out
    Be there for commuting purposes only and then GTF back on the subway or your bike or whatevs. Times Square is not for loitering. It's for seeing overpriced Broadway shows. Save your sanity and get out ASAP and try to forget it ever happened.