BACK UP PLANS FOR WHEN MY CAREER FAILS

Better safe than sorry.
  1. Open a food truck that only sells buffalo chicken dishes called "Buff Chicks."
  2. Start a business that sells desk lamps shaped like dinosaurs.
  3. Convince Andy Cohen or Anderson Cooper to be my sugar daddy.
  4. Open a bar that's also an app.
    A digitally immersive social experiment.
  5. Become a graphic designer.
  6. Gone girl myself.
    Except I'll succeed at it.
  7. Move to Santa Fe and sell beaded necklaces at a flea market.
  8. Become an ex-pat.
    I assume they don't work.
  9. Open an artisanal chocolate milk shop called "Choc Therapy."
  10. Become homeless, but use grindr as a means for shelter.
  11. Eat. Pray. Love.
    But in like Canada or Iceland.
  12. Work on my memoir.
    Aka be a waiter in Philadelphia.
  13. Open a dessert shop called "Dessert Storm."
  14. Just get on a train and never get off and hope for the best.
  15. Join a cult.
    But like a super cute fun one.
  16. Create a choose your own adventure video pornography service.
  17. Figure out a way to humanely stop Anne Coulter once and for all.
  18. Start an all male Destiny's Child cover band called "Sons of Destiny."
  19. An online novelty candle shop that sells candles in the shape of what they're scented as.
  20. Become a modern day Johnny Appleseed.
  21. Finally dig that hole to China everyone keeps talking about.
  22. Die.
    Not like right away, but eventually.