QUESTIONS I GET FROM FRIENDS WHEN VISITING HOME FROM LOS ANGELES

This conversation is repeated several times over the course of one visit.
  1. Do you see any celebrities?
    Yeah sometimes. They live there. No we don't bother them.
  2. How do you like LA?
    Yeah it's pretty cool. You should visit me if you weren't so cheap.
  3. Do you eat Mexican food all the time?
    Yes. Don't you?
  4. So does it really never rain there? That so cool!
    Well I wouldn't say cool. We're in a crippling drought and everything is on fire, but hey, I never have to check the weather.
  5. What do you do for money? Are you a struggling artist?
    First off, rude. Secondly, I have a job.
  6. What do you do for a living?
    It's hard to explain. You wouldn't understand.
  7. Do you miss home?
    Yes a great deal. My family and all of my friends from growing up are here. Home is important.
  8. Would you ever consider moving back?
    HELL NO. It's too hot in the summers (seriously humidity is the devil breathing down your neck), too cold in the winters (blizzards until April? No thanks). Not to mention there's no work and living near my parents might actually drive me fucking insane. Don't ever suggest such a thing to me again.