TIMES I WAS WRONG ABOUT SPERM IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

Certainly my most specific list.
  1. The time I made my dad examine my pee because I was convinced I could see sperms swimming in it.
    I was very young.
  2. The time I wrote a short persuasive essay claiming that sperm banks should be shut down when I was in sixth grade.
    I found this essay tucked away in a box in my attic recently and was truly floored. What the fuck? Why? Where did I get this idea? Was it something I saw on TV? Who allowed me to write this? Why was this document saved?
  3. The time I thought I could make money in college by donating my sperm to a sperm bank.
    I was not tall enough and would have had to lie about my sexual orientation which I had sworn off doing years ago.