1. Hot Sam's Pretzels
    First job. Just as glamorous as you'd guess.
  2. Hilltop Golf and Conference Center
    Worst job ever, because all the things you think about rich golf people are true.
  3. Crossroads Mall Cinema
    I could not bring myself to say "buttery flavored topping". My apologies to anyone who really thought that sludge was actual butter. It was not, even though I referred to it as such.
  4. Michigan News Agency
    All around great experience. Learned that sometimes when someone asks for "live chickens", they really mean "lottery tickets".
  5. Tujo's "Catering"
    Company which somehow secured the contract to provide food for all of Western Michigan University's sporting events. I was sixteen and sat in a stockroom smoking cigarettes, doling out soda cups and hot dog buns as needed. I was high up on the totem pole. That is not a joke. Was witness to some of the least hygienic practices in my food-related career.
  6. Easter Bunny at a quickly dying Maple Hill Mall
    Coolest sounding job ever. Not coolest job ever. Hours-long shifts in a stuffed animal suit, occasionally being led around the nearly empty mall by a racist "bunny helper".
  7. Big Joe's Sandwich Shop
    Hands down, most fun I've ever had working anywhere. Also, least amount of money I've ever made working anywhere. Huh.
  8. Packager of Porsche-related merchandise
    Short-lived, because Porsche-related merchandise.
  9. Carillon Cafe
    Soup and sandwich shop that was relatively successful, despite having a name that reminds one of the decaying flesh of dead animals.
  10. Thirdstone Art Gallery
    Swallowed lots of opiates and very occasionally sold outsider art to tourists in a space that had previously been a Thomas Kincaid gallery. Got to have amusing conversations with rich ladies from Chicago who were disappointed that it wasn't still a Thomas Kincaid gallery.