Things I should be offended by and am instead relieved by

  1. When a guy starts to approach me at a bar, looks at me and decides not to
    The ultimate relief. No seriously this happened to me tonight and I was so happy. No lie. "Do you think he'd buy me mozzerella sticks?"
  2. When people cancel plans
    No I didn't want to get brunch with you Karen, I just don't know how to say no.
  3. When people don't watch the TV shows I recommended to them
    Honestly if you would have said anything bad about it, it would have ruined our friendship and I really don't want that.
  4. When people don't text me back
    Typing is strenuous and I can't be witty 24/7! I NEED REST.
  5. When someone else pays for my Uber
    I know you want me out, but I'm really thrilled you're shouldering the 4.3% surge pricing, THANKS!