THINGS I WILL BE DOING THIS VALENTINE'S WEEKEND

And some thoughts to accompany them
  1. Continuing my X-Files binge
    'I'm sure a man like Fox Mulder exists in real life, right?' she asked herself as she unwrapped her 3rd Kinder Bueno bar, in bed.
  2. Baking chocolate cake...and probably sharing?
    'There is nothing as satisfying as using a KitchenAid stand mixer', she whispered to her beloved whisk attachment on her deathbed.
  3. Spending a troublesome amount of time in the Kroger wine aisle
    "I wonder if they're still doing the 10% discount if you buy in bulk?' she pondered as her liver silently wept.
  4. Liking other people's Valentine's social media posts
    'See? I AM a more positive person in 2016!' she exclaimed, while simultaneously writing a passionate persuasive essay to Instagram about a 'mute' option.
  5. Watching Valentine's Day makeup tutorials
    'I should probably watch all of these now so I'm informed about current trends!" she said excitedly, and not at all because makeup is her boyfriend.
  6. Avoiding my mother
    'Your friend is engaged, don't you want to be engaged?!?!' her mother shouted at her as she pulled out of the driveway, trying to escape.