THINGS I WILL BE DOING THIS VALENTINE'S WEEKEND
And some thoughts to accompany them
- •Continuing my X-Files binge'I'm sure a man like Fox Mulder exists in real life, right?' she asked herself as she unwrapped her 3rd Kinder Bueno bar, in bed.
- •Baking chocolate cake...and probably sharing?'There is nothing as satisfying as using a KitchenAid stand mixer', she whispered to her beloved whisk attachment on her deathbed.
- •Spending a troublesome amount of time in the Kroger wine aisle"I wonder if they're still doing the 10% discount if you buy in bulk?' she pondered as her liver silently wept.
- •Liking other people's Valentine's social media posts'See? I AM a more positive person in 2016!' she exclaimed, while simultaneously writing a passionate persuasive essay to Instagram about a 'mute' option.
- •Watching Valentine's Day makeup tutorials'I should probably watch all of these now so I'm informed about current trends!" she said excitedly, and not at all because makeup is her boyfriend.
- •Avoiding my mother'Your friend is engaged, don't you want to be engaged?!?!' her mother shouted at her as she pulled out of the driveway, trying to escape.