What my college crushes are doing now

  1. One just had a secret shotgun wedding and his now-wife has more gums than teeth but I'm not salty
  2. One is dating a skinny blonde girl who is way prettier than me and was accepted into optometry school
    Good for you I guess 😒
  3. One is married and probably still cheating on his wife. NO ONE IS SHOCKED
    He's a POS and I don't feel bad saying that
  4. One of them apparently came to my work and dropped off business cards for a hotel he manages and I had an overreaction in front of my coworkers 🤷🏽‍♀️
  5. One stopped being my crush but stayed my friend and is married and I couldn't be happier for him!
    See, I'm not all bitterness!