After much careful consideration, focus group testing (n=3) and scientific trials, here is a collection of noveau spellings and word morphings for all to enjoy (and use in a sentence soon!)
  1. OLD: queen; NEW: kwiean
    To call a fellow gay, "queen," simply don't cut it in the 21st century. Try calling him a "kwiean," "Kwøn," or "quãn."
  2. OLD: bitch; NEW: batch/betch
    Can I buy I vowel? I sure can, and I just did. Try replacing that boring old "i" in bitch wit a sensual "a" or "e" for dramatic effect and flair.
  3. OLD: girl; NEW: gurl or gurrrrrl
    Again, subtlety is key here, but isn't it just more fun to be like "hey gurrrrrl" than "hey girl"?
  4. OLD: ass; NEW: aß
    That's right, people, we're bringing back everyone's favorite German character, the ß, aka "ess-zett." It represents a double s in German, and can be used to save time and money in English whilst currying favor with the Prussian Empire of yesteryear
  5. OLD: thank you! NEW: thenk yowwwww
    So much vocal fry up in hurr, am I right, @vp and @jansonebwoodlee ??? Anyhow, this is how people now pronounce this expression , so let's just spell it phonetically and get hooked on phonics once more.
  6. Yes -> Yaaaaas
    Suggested by @molltodd