A light-hearted compilation of dating tips and learnings from my friends and me, drawing upon years and years of experience with that godforsaken XY chromosome. Shout outs to @vp and @jansonebwoodlee
  1. Talk only about yourself and ask him nary a question
  2. Tell him (voluntarily) that you're on PREP
    It's one thing being DTF, but totally another to volunteer that you're taking PREP (the drug that prevents the transmission of HIV), since it tends to suggest that you're having loads of unprotected sex (enough to necessitate PREP).
  3. Talk about how much you love Evanescence
    There are few boner shrinkers more potent than an Evanescence song. (Not yet scientifically proven)
  4. Fart. Audibly.
  5. Proudly state that you're just "not really into movies."
    I never understood people who (a) said this or (b) are proud of this. Really? You don't like ANY movies? Cuz last time I checked, porn is a movie.
  6. Talk about how you have very few interests besides drinking
  7. Show off your terrible dance moves, starting with the Macarena
    Just don't. Keep the dancing to the horizontal variety.
  8. Reveal that you can't pay your bills and are behind on rent
    Nothing is sexier than a solvent man, so if you ain't, just keep that between you and you.
  9. Check your phone every 5 seconds
    It really shows you're interested and capable of focusing! Psych, it doesn't.
  10. Ask if he's into watersports
    Maybe this is a convo you can have down the road (or at a quarter after never), but I recommend not getting into pee pee talk right off the bat
  11. Say, "I don't really like gay men."
    Or maybe that's just a giant, waving, red flag for me.
    Suggested by @SGGinNYC
  12. Say that you are reading a Real Housewives biography because you are into "real historical characters"
    Suggested by @lspencer