Musical Instruments I ❤️ That Will Not Make You Popular

I'm gonna get a little esoteric here but stay with me, cuz this shit is real. I've played all of these and suffered the consequences so that you don't have to.
  1. 1.
    The bassoon
    Best known as the sonic identity of the grandfather in prokofievs "Peter and the wolf," and/or that weird hook in "tears of a clown," this instrument is a pain in the tuchus to learn, play and maintain, and guess what else?! A new one costs like $50,000. No thanks (rip my bassoon, b. 1992, sold 2006)
  2. 2.
    The viola
    The stringed instrument equivalent of the red-headed stepchild, this larger and lower-pitched version of the violin (or a really small cello for some) always get shit on, and that's sad since the viola can be real beautiful, but traditionally violists get stuck with weird harmonies and limited concerto repertoire. 😪 violists also have to debunk the stigma that they're violinists who didn't make it #unfair
  3. 3.
    The English horn
    If you like the oboe but don't like being noticed this is the instrument for you. Pitched in F and banished to the far right of the front row of woodwinds in orchestras, english horns have a beautiful rounded sound but cause mad carpal tunnel cuz they're too fucking heavy to hold for very long.
  4. 4.
    Bass Clarinet
    Most would concur that the sound of a squeaky clarinet is the devils work, so imagine that, but combined with the sound of farts, and voila! A bass clarinet is born.
  5. 5.
    Tuba
    Easy to identify, but man, who the fuck wants to lug that shit around AND have only a few notes to play in some of the greatest pieces ever written? #nobody
  6. 6.
    Harpsichord
    If you played this prior to 1800, chances are you were a bad-ass/stud/HBIC. But seeing as no one writes for it anymore and Bach had rapey eyes anyhow (in my opinion), I'd avoid this like plague or that thing that killed urrybody in contagion.
  7. 7.
    Celeste
    Yes, it sounds inviting and Steve sanders and Celeste had a beautiful relationship on 90210, but the Celeste is just a glockenspiel shoved inside a mini piano and sounds half as cool.
  8. 8.
    Recorder
    Suggested by   @nigelwarburton