Inasmuch as life existed before the arrival of my @lspencer , I dated, and experienced many horrors therein. Below are some of the deal breakers that caused me to cease relations - join me in this exercise, please! Also don't judge, thanks. Xoxo
  1. Gross, savage-like eating
    One dude literally chewed with his mouth completely agape, enabling food to fall out constantly. Not hot!
  2. Inability to differentiate their/they're/there and too/two/to
    I'm sorry, but this shit is fundamental and part of curricula from kindergarten. Of course, careless errors happen but I'm talking consistent misuse.
  3. Bad, almost super human B.O.
    I thought this was fixable with the right amount of deodorant but in one case, nothing helped.
  4. Calling me the wrong name
    "I feel like you're really easy to talk to, Chris." Really? Cuz my name is DAVE.
  5. Serial killeresque temper
    No one needs to feel like they finna get cut by someone they're dating.
  6. Vehement Opposition to marijuana
    Unfortunately I'm intolerant of marijuana intolerance. Totes cool if you don't partake, but don't get all up on me cuz I do. Also marijuana is dope.
  7. Narcolepsy
    Some things cannot be helped, but that doesn't mean I can date someone who can't stay awake.
  8. Assertion that "belgium is definitely part of the Netherlands."
    Really? Cuz they're actually two separate sovereign nations and my grandparents were definitely from one (🇳🇱) and not the other (🇧🇪). Also, Flemish is NOT A LANGUAGE.
  9. Hatred of classical music
    Like a dagger through my heart. You ain't gotta love it or even accompany me to the philharmonic, but don't categorically shit all over some of the best music ever written, thanks.
  10. Recklessness
    There's already so much dangerous shit in the world - do we really need to add a disregard for safe sex and/or intravenous drug use to the mix? (No.)
  11. Incessant punning.
    Even made a pun about Grover (the Sesame Street character) when we were going to see a movie at the Grove. WHAT WORLD AM I IN????
    Suggested by @lilydiamond
  12. Told me to wear skirts and dresses when I see him because jeans are "lazy."
    Suggested by @TT
  13. Doesn't like dogs (or animals overall)
    Not liking animals and being a serial killer is the same, in my book.
    Suggested by @lspencer
  14. My sister dumped a guy in college because he didn't wear a belt to a dressy function.
    I support this.
    Suggested by @gwcoffey
  15. Monologuing instead of conversing.
    I went on a date where the guy talked about himself the entire evening without asking one single question about me. Not one. I kept on waiting for him to stop and ask something about me. It even became a game in my head where I would reply back with leading questions. "Oh you are a former model? I actually appeared in a few magazines myself..." Nope. Nothing. I had never experienced extreme narcissism like that before or since.
    Suggested by @eatthelove
  16. bad haircut
    and the award for "Most Shallow Person of Ever" goes to... (in my defense she really did get a bad haircut)
    Suggested by @Dustin
  17. He hated Christmas.
    And let me know it by refusing to LOOK at my Christmas tree or be in my house while it was there... Nah dude
    Suggested by @originalamericantrt
  18. He huffed glue, threw up, then told me he thought he had the flu (because he had forgotten he had been huffing glue).
    Suggested by @originalamericantrt