Shit My Husband Says

@lspencer knows he's spoiled, and part of the reason I honor his requests is the way in which he asks for things, as per below. Add in your own personal faves from yalls better halves!!
  1. "Do me a fruit and cheese plate"
    I think it's adorable that @lspencer still uses the verbs "to do" and "to make" interchangeably (common mistake among many romance language speakers) and therefore I usually will go ahead and slice some apples for him along with grapes and a little light Gouda.
  2. "Do weed"
    Again, love how he doesn't get bogged down in verb choice, but this means "roll a joint for me."
  3. "He's Jew"
    I love explaining to @lspencer that in America, you can say "He's Jewish" or "he is a Jew" but "he is Jew" won't really fly up in dis bitch
  4. "Adore me"
    By this he usually means "touch and/or pet me gently like you would a puppy."
  5. "TaDINHO!"
    This is Portuguese for "poor little thing"- kinda like pobrecito, only more patronizing.
  6. "Poobs"
    This is how Luis pronounced and still occasionally pronounces the word "pubes."
  7. "Mini needs to play"
    By play, he means video games, which means I have to relinquish control of the living room television and either watch him be a Mage and kill orcs or do my own thang. Also, mini is his nickname because he is relatively small (5'8" or so)
  8. "Pat and Vanna hate each other"
    A rumor he's been trying to spread for 2+ years
  9. "Bring me coffee!"
    Sometimes Luis won't get out of bed unless I hand-deliver a sweetened, lightened cup of joe to him, bedside.
  10. "I miss 'princesses of long island'"
    We all do, hon.
  11. "Let's watch housewives of OC."
    Music to my ears that I found a straight man who enjoys watching tv that makes me happy (he secretly loves it too...)
    Suggested by   @jeanette
  12. "Too cold!" - expression used when Dave heats up chinese food for me and I want it warmer. He proceeds to go and reheat it for me. <3
    Suggested by   @lspencer
  13. I have to bend my clothes.
    My Venezuelan ex spoke excellent English but insisted on "bending" rather than "folding" his clean laundry. He would also call me his Amazon princess because I was 3 inches taller than him.
    Suggested by   @saytrumbo