Top Ten Zingers From Amy Schumer
We go back to '87, but her humor transcends time, as does her irreverence. Praise be to God for her existence. Suggestions encouraged!
- 1.Blacking out is the worst, cuz your brain is asleep but your body's like "tonight is my nighhhhhht." (On the pluses and minuses of blacking out)
- 2.She was one of those girls who could put her entire fist...in her vagina (on Denise, her slutty college roommate)
- 3.My boyfriend looks just like one of those guys from "the hills"....have eyes (on her boyfriend)
- 4.Hi my name is Becky, and I'm here to take care of your pussy! (On waxing salon realities)
- 5.If I had an extra flap over my clitoris, I'd give you a heads up...you're going to encounter a wizard...keep going!!! GO! (On foreskin)
- 6.I got it at the corner of shut the fuck up and you can't afford it (on being heckled by a drunk mess in ATL re Amy's shoes)
- 7.He touched my asshole like he was taking a pulse...so I fisted him so hard....he's dead. (On anal with a previous lover)
- 8.The only time I get hit on is last call. (On men, drunk men, and dating)
- 9.I have a BA in theater and HPV. No ones buying my stock (on her perceived market value)
- 10.I now surround myself with complete trolls. My friend [name] kept losing weight? I took her out of my phone.