Top Ten Zingers From Amy Schumer

We go back to '87, but her humor transcends time, as does her irreverence. Praise be to God for her existence. Suggestions encouraged!
  1. 1.
    Blacking out is the worst, cuz your brain is asleep but your body's like "tonight is my nighhhhhht." (On the pluses and minuses of blacking out)
  2. 2.
    She was one of those girls who could put her entire fist...in her vagina (on Denise, her slutty college roommate)
  3. 3.
    My boyfriend looks just like one of those guys from "the hills"....have eyes (on her boyfriend)
  4. 4.
    Hi my name is Becky, and I'm here to take care of your pussy! (On waxing salon realities)
  5. 5.
    If I had an extra flap over my clitoris, I'd give you a heads up...you're going to encounter a wizard...keep going!!! GO! (On foreskin)
  6. 6.
    I got it at the corner of shut the fuck up and you can't afford it (on being heckled by a drunk mess in ATL re Amy's shoes)
  7. 7.
    He touched my asshole like he was taking a pulse...so I fisted him so hard....he's dead. (On anal with a previous lover)
  8. 8.
    The only time I get hit on is last call. (On men, drunk men, and dating)
  9. 9.
    I have a BA in theater and HPV. No ones buying my stock (on her perceived market value)
  10. 10.
    I now surround myself with complete trolls. My friend [name] kept losing weight? I took her out of my phone.