Ways to Exit a Serial Killer's Lair (Alive)
Drawing upon all my experience sitting through thriller after thriller, and a whole lotta Dateline.
- •Whilst having explosive diarrhea everywhere, steering the killer away from your general area
- •Spend qt with the killer, earn his or her trust, and then stab them in the heart in the middle of the night prior to making exit
- •By singing any song on loop by the Vengaboys, causing the killer to go insane and/or release you voluntarily
- •Fake ya own death
- •Making incessant, unwanted sexual advances towards the culprit, ultimately revolting him or her and prompting your voluntary release
- •Nonstop farting
- •Obsessive conversation about how amazing the movie "Babel" was or about how Kim Kardashian is an intellectual powerhouse
- •Incessant references to "smash"
- •RUNNING FOR THE FRONT DOOR AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN, BACKWARDS (ps you said this circa 2004)
- •By cultivating a highly nuanced Nell impersonation 🙆🌾
- •CONSULT DEBRAH LEE CHARATAN - THE DEVIL'S PLAYTHING
- •Do NOT let them grab a card around the corner. It is a pistol or other instrument of Death.
- •By becoming a serial killer, but stopping after you kill your serial killer.Suggested by @vp