WAYS HOT GUYS ON AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR END UP DISAPPOINTING ME.

Because they usually do.
  1. Having an intro video where they do the Sprinkler or whatever, like they're the first person ever to do it.
  2. Being all: "I used to party but then I got suicidal and then I gave my life to Jesus and now I am a missionary" and they're 20.
    Where have you found the time?
  3. Taking it too seriously.
    Settle down.
  4. Not taking it seriously enough.
    Respect the course.
  5. Slapping the water when they fall into the water.
    It is not the water's fault.
  6. Having the job title of "parkour instructor."
    I'm putting the cart before the horse, but that's going to be a hard sell to my family.
  7. Tattoos in calligraphy
    Oh you fancy, huh.
  8. Nicknames, catchphrases, children in matching t-shirts.
    I do not recognize grown men in costumes as "hot guys."
  9. Mugging for the crowd before they hit the button at the top of the Warped Wall.
    This is some Tortoise/Hare shit right here. Hit the button. You're killing me.
  10. Mousse.
  11. The overall sense that you would get four Anchorman quotes per day from them, on average.
  12. Skinny calves.
    Skinny calves on fit guys are like shifty eyes on handsome faces. You're hiding something, mister.