WAYS HOT GUYS ON AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR END UP DISAPPOINTING ME.
Because they usually do.
- •Having an intro video where they do the Sprinkler or whatever, like they're the first person ever to do it.
- •Being all: "I used to party but then I got suicidal and then I gave my life to Jesus and now I am a missionary" and they're 20.Where have you found the time?
- •Taking it too seriously.Settle down.
- •Not taking it seriously enough.Respect the course.
- •Slapping the water when they fall into the water.It is not the water's fault.
- •Having the job title of "parkour instructor."I'm putting the cart before the horse, but that's going to be a hard sell to my family.
- •Tattoos in calligraphyOh you fancy, huh.
- •Nicknames, catchphrases, children in matching t-shirts.I do not recognize grown men in costumes as "hot guys."
- •Mugging for the crowd before they hit the button at the top of the Warped Wall.This is some Tortoise/Hare shit right here. Hit the button. You're killing me.
- •The overall sense that you would get four Anchorman quotes per day from them, on average.
- •Skinny calves.Skinny calves on fit guys are like shifty eyes on handsome faces. You're hiding something, mister.