WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE

Inspired by Oprah Winfrey, a famous and influential talk show host.
  1. Bloody Marys are better with tequila. Ask for a Bloody Maria.
  2. If Jesus came back this afternoon, punching Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee right in their smug, foolish mouths would be His first errand.
  3. The idea that "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is bullshit. A lot of things actually taste much better than skinny feels. You just can't have them every time you want them.
  4. Frank Turner is about to break huge.
  5. It will always be the SPECIAL ABS ISSUE of Men's Health.
  6. I have had dos (2) Bloody Marias.
  7. This whole thing of The OathKeepers going down to guard Kim Davis is giving me a real "last ten minutes of TAPS" feeling.
  8. As opposed to a "last ten minutes of BAPS" feeling, which I would really prefer.