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I compete in a dead pool at stiffs.com. Before the new year, about a thousand people submit lists of the ten celebrities they think will die this year. I am currently in 79th place. here is my list, ordered from most likely to die to least
  1. 1. Zsa Zsa Gabor
    This fucking cyborg won't die. I have played her for the last five years. A few years ago, I told her daughter, who I loathed, that Zsa Zsa was first place in my dead pool. She wasn't pleased. Then the daughter died. Mixed emotions.
  2. 2. Mary Tyler Moore
    Might have placed her a little high, but I still have hope. Have seen articles about her "tragic descent towards her final curtain." I hope her prognosis is less mixed than the metaphor.
  3. 3. Billy Graham
    In poor health and 97. Playing by age isn't a great strategy (you usually need some indication this will be the year.) Like the man himself, I went with a hunch.
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I have spent enough time at the comedy store to have been within five feet of a murder, and also on a first name basis with four different comedians who have been hate covered by jezebel.com. Here is an incomplete list of comedians that I recommend (see each in the original room unless otherwise noted. The main room is for tourists.)
  1. Ian Edwards
  2. Sam Tripoli
  3. Theo Von
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  1. The Local Celebrities
  2. The Gay Rumors
  3. The Knocked Up a Local Girl and Going to Try to Make it Works
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"For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'" John Greenleaf Whittier wrote that -- in 1856. Here is an updated list of what he might have written 160 years later.
  1. "Holiday-themed porn"
  2. "Failed murder-suicide"
  3. "Can I do your podcast?"
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