1. "There was a guy in 3rd grade -- Tommy Duncan. God, he hurt my feelings"
  2. "Im not trying to be a literate jerk. Because I'm really not very literate. But I'm probably a jerk."
  3. "He ratchets up the collective IQ of the radio"
  4. "Wouldn't it be cool if someone gave Lawrence Welk some acid before a show? That would be so cool."
  5. "'jingle jangle morning.' That line's almost too perfect to be conjured up somehow"
  6. "Can someone just tell me what a 'curfew gull' is? I have no idea what it is. Ive googled it to death"
  7. "I'm not gonna be quaint, goddammit"
  8. "I went to a therapist once who asked me why I thought there was such thing as perfection, why I always talked about everything as falling short. So I shot him."
  9. "Anybody who's taken LSD knows what I'm talking about. I've heard."