i knew it was over

I'm pretty sure I'll love him for the rest of my life, but we were right to walk away
  1. when I started dropping everything for a chance to see you
    because I knew this thing was finite, and I was desperate to have as much time with you as possible
  2. when you didn't answer my call on my first day of college
    and I was ashamed by how alone it made me feel in the world
  3. when you didn't answer my email for six weeks
    I was sick over that, you bastard
  4. when you wrote "love you, kid" after you signed your name
    and i felt sad instead of happy to hear those words
  5. when I wrote you at 2am because I was weak and in need
    I am forever sorry. i didn't mean to use you like that
  6. when you begged me to look at you and i turned away
    and we both felt like fools for becoming an 'us'
  7. when sex became the next step and last option
    and we understood we could never be as intimate as we needed to be
  8. when you started hugging me with one arm
  9. when you told me you weren't a child
    and implied that I was
  10. when you told me all about the interesting people you were spending time with
    and I didn't care that you'd replaced me
  11. when you thanked me for our conversations
  12. when I started having those dreams
  13. when you added me on facebook
    and it immediately felt like a step back, a distancing, a way to know what acquaintances are pretending to be. i knew that was your way of saying I wouldn't be seeing you anymore
  14. when you asked me if vulnerability increases investment
    you already knew the answer, but posed the question so the conclusion would be mine too
  15. when I wrote that even beautiful things die ugly deaths
  16. when I wrote out a thank you note and sealed it with my spit