REJECTED @MCSWEENEYSLISTS

Thanks for submitting, Dan. Unfortunately we've had a chance to review the articles you submitted and we're afraid we're going to have to pass. Please find below some brief explanations for each article, and thanks again for submitting!
  1. Robin Hood's Application For Tax-Exempt Status For The Band Of Merry Thieves
    Funny idea, but you seemed to dwell on the formal aspects of tax law rather than fleshing out funny details about Robin Hood and the thieves.
  2. The Brunchback Of Notre Dame
    Not sure where you were going with this one. The pun is sort of clever, but there wasn't much mileage to the allusion beyond that.
  3. Verily, I Do Suspect I'm Quite Clever
    Felt on-the-nose. Are you mocking yourself or are you mocking McSweeneys? Also, you don't need to directly address Dave Eggers in each paragraph. He doesn't read all the submissions.
  4. Faculty Responses To The Doctoral Thesis of Dr. Seuss
    Like the idea, but you could've gone sillier with the piece. You seemed to think that the audience wouldn't catch the references to The Cat in The Hat and Green Eggs And Ham. I think most people would catch those.
  5. Wolfgang Puck's Soliloquy
    Wouldn't it be funnier if Wolfgang Puck waxed poetic about jalapeño poppers and airport food? Why is he so worried about his wife cheating on him? Again, not sure what the take was on this one.