I was born a middle-aged man. In the late summer of 2005, my body was 13 and my brain was 63. I was just about to start 8th grade, and the world was boring and small and I didn't like other people very much.
  1. Not smiling in pictures
  2. Getting shout-outs in people's AIM buddy profiles
  3. The movie "Black Hawk Down"
  4. Fitted hats with very curved brims
    My brother and I used to leave the brims in cups overnight so they'd stay super tight and curled
  5. Mario Puzo novels
    I didn't even read "The Godfather". I did read "The Last Don" and then bought a bunch of his paperbacks at a book sale
  6. Wearing an undershirt under a t-shirt
    As seen in my listapp picture, in which I also am wearing the worst shirt in the world
  7. The New York Yankees
    More specifically, Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, Hideki Matsui, and Alfonso Soriano
  8. Cigars
  9. Paintball
  10. Dane Cook
    My Mom and I loved listening to "Retaliation".
  11. Chapelle's Show
  12. Quoting Chapelle's show
  13. A JPEG of Jamie Lee Presley that I had saved on my desktop
    My girlfriend
  14. Googling when boys usually get armpit hair
    After I realized everyone else had it and I was still 4'10"
  15. Ronaldinho and other soccer players from Brazil
  16. Playing Halo 2
  17. Using Chinese food as a pizza topping
  18. MAD magazine
  19. Taking the SATs
    I took them in 7th and 8th grade
  20. Sleepover pranks
  21. Andy Milonakis
  22. The Boondock Saints
  23. Getting in fistfights
  24. Wacky t-shirts
    I had a 30 Rock shirt with Chris Parnell's face on it that said "meth addiction / infertility " that I wore to family parties
  25. Giant basketball sneakers
  26. Gas station pizza
  27. Tackle football
  28. Tom Green
  29. Ludacris
  30. AC/DC
  31. Taco Bell cheesy Gordita crunch
  32. Chatting on AIM with smarterchild
  33. "Amish Paradise"
    The weird Al Yankovic song
  34. Hershey Park
  35. Reading the dirty footnotes of Shakespeare
    I still remember one from Romeo and Juliet stating that a pun referred to the practice of having sex while completely stationary
  36. Portable DVD players
  37. Team America: World Police
  38. Family Guy