WAYS TO OCCUPY YOUR MIND DURING CHURCH
On this holiest of days, the day of the birth, you might spend a full hour sitting in church! Here are some ways to pass the time while staying in the holiday spirit
- •Call the priest Daddy instead of father
- •Talk to the deacons. Deacons always have something to say
- •Confess your sins through small talkYou might not get to go to confession, but that doesn't mean you can't tell other people! Sneak it into conversation whenever it gets loud!
- •Suggest cool songs that the choir could singDo you guys know Daft Punk Is Playing At My House?
- •Ask for a brand new corvette when you go to get communion
- •Scream "skip to the blood!!!!" when the priest is talkingAnd then look around for support from your fellow parishioners
- •Ask what year the wine isAnd then sample it!
- •Modernize the mass!The roman garb was fashionable at one time! What would a modern priest wear? A bad suit from Joseph A Banks?
- •Stare at the neck hairs of the person in front of you!Everyone has neck hairs
- •KneelIt's the best! It hurts your knees and makes you feel like a little slave
- •Contemplate the power of religionScary? Empowering? Comforting? Hell yeah! All of it! It is important!