WAYS TO OCCUPY YOUR MIND DURING CHURCH

On this holiest of days, the day of the birth, you might spend a full hour sitting in church! Here are some ways to pass the time while staying in the holiday spirit
  1. Call the priest Daddy instead of father
  2. Talk to the deacons. Deacons always have something to say
  3. Confess your sins through small talk
    You might not get to go to confession, but that doesn't mean you can't tell other people! Sneak it into conversation whenever it gets loud!
  4. Suggest cool songs that the choir could sing
    Do you guys know Daft Punk Is Playing At My House?
  5. Ask for a brand new corvette when you go to get communion
  6. Scream "skip to the blood!!!!" when the priest is talking
    And then look around for support from your fellow parishioners
  7. Ask what year the wine is
    And then sample it!
  8. Modernize the mass!
    The roman garb was fashionable at one time! What would a modern priest wear? A bad suit from Joseph A Banks?
  9. Stare at the neck hairs of the person in front of you!
    Everyone has neck hairs
  10. Kneel
    It's the best! It hurts your knees and makes you feel like a little slave
  11. Contemplate the power of religion
    Scary? Empowering? Comforting? Hell yeah! All of it! It is important!