FIVE JOB OFFERS I WOULD ACCEPT REGARDLESS OF SALARY

  1. NY Post headline writer
    Puns, ma fuckas, puns 4 dayz
  2. Screenwriter
    I'm trying and open to any compensation wink wink nudge nudge
  3. Celebrity personal stylist
    We must save them from themselves
  4. Chopped judge
    Not host though. Ted Allen has a raw deal
  5. Professional fancy party goer
    I need more occasions to wear a suit