THINGS I IMMENSELY ENJOY FOR NO KNOWN REASON

  1. Animals named after a different species of animal
    Bear the dog, Eagle the penguin, Shark the hamster, whatever
  2. Hearing someone with a Russian accent insult someone
    When even your patois carries the weight of "go fuck yourself"
  3. When the normally calm villain finally loses it after the hero keeps messing up their plan
    "It was all going according to plan..." And then a bunch of screaming and usually gelled hair ends up mussed
  4. A bar with ~5 people in it
    Just enough to make it not empty but empty enough that you can feel beautifully anonymous
  5. Cold steak with horseradish
  6. Getting punched in the back when I have a knot
    Yeah a massage would be good I guess but sometimes you need some force and shock
  7. When characters in movies or tv laugh at jokes or something funny happening
    Not in a mean or condescending way, but like when characters actually acknowledge what someone said or did or what is happening is funny as opposed to the jokes just being for the viewers benefit
  8. Parents knowingly embarrassing their children
    If there is ever a human who can stomach me enough to actually want to reproduce with me, I will be doing this to my child as well
  9. The feelings of hard denim and soft wool
  10. An objective compliment
    Just like when someone tells you that you fit a bill appropriately. Like if you were to be cast as "the hot neighbor" in something, because that means you're hot
  11. Blasé sexual activity
    Wherein you are having a conversation, or paying attention to what's on tv, or just otherwise doing stuff but still finding time to manipulate genitals
  12. The smell of chili
  13. Getting a random text message
    I realize this is a thing that "humans" do a lot, share their opinions with people or just have small talk over phones, but I don't really and it's nice when someone just feels compelled to share something with me
  14. Walking down the middle of a street, as in the dividing line for traffic, totally alone and with no one and nothing stirring
  15. Hearing old men talk about old men stuff
    Golf. Kids. The best way to get there. It's very comforting in a mr Rogers sort of way
  16. Hating myself
    Never gets old!
  17. Chip tune
    This one particularly confuses me