Worst Things About Dating

  1. Trying to keep up with Tinder/Hinge/Bumble
    And always assuming that the latest iteration of this app will be more fruitful than the last
  2. When all your wing women keep falling into relationships and you have to replace them
    Borrowing my parents' golden retriever to take to the bar always works better anyway
  3. Splitting the check on the first date even though you went out for Happy Hour drinks and your portion of the bill is only $8
    I'll be happy to split the check when I order a lobster poached in truffle oil
  4. Texting a guy for the first time and realizing he doesn't have an iPhone
    Knowing that if this works out, you'll have to look at green message bubbles and curb your emoji use
  5. Not being able to go to a bar/restaurant/event without running into at least one guy that you or a friend has dated
    Denver is so small
  6. Having to look your best at all times
    You never know when you're going to meet the L of your L at the grocery store in the middle of the day even though the only people who should be there are retirees and slobs who work from home like me
  7. Trying to find a non-creepy way to ask your date's last name when you're on a first name-only basis
    "It's because I have so many other Ryans in my phone already!" It's so I can look you up on Facebook/LinkedIn/Instagram to see if you're normal.
  8. When your attached friends ask to hear your latest dating horror stories
    I mean, I have some, but I'm not a circus monkey