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  1. At least one homeless man's penis
  2. More cranes than pigeons these days
  3. Tourists with walking sticks and matching Patagonia fleece jackets looking for the "Highlight?"
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My fiancé and I had a beautiful baby boy 5 weeks ago. I'd love to take up a new hobby or find an otherwise productive way to spend the hours of free time that accompany being at home with a newborn. There's just a few criteria...
  1. Must be an activity that can be done between 10pm and 8am.
    In pitch darkness and to the melodic sounds of a white noise machine would be a bonus.
  2. Does not require the use of my sleep-deprived mommy brain.
    There should be a spinning wheel of death permanently engraved on my forehead these days.
  3. Does not require the use of my hands.
    Feed, burp, diaper, soothe. Repeat.
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