US Professional Sports Trophies, Ranked
My personal, infallible selections.
- •Stanley Cup (NHL)It's as tall as a six-year-old and you can drink out the damn thing.
- •Green Jacket (PGA/Masters)Color so absurd you'd never wear it to a wedding, which is good, because it can't leave Augusta.
- •Lombardy Trophy (NFL)Plus: it's perfectly mirror-polished silver; Minus: it shows every. Single. Goddamn. Fingerprint.
- •MLS CupModernish thing you can drink out of. It's fine, I guess.
- •Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy (NBA)Basically just a gold knockoff of the Lombardy Trophy, complete with an unforgivable non-regulation-size hoop.
- •Commissioner's Trophy (MLB)The only thing worse than a trophy named after a commissioner (see: O'Brien, Larry) is one named after the office alone. Just, no.