REASONS WHY

  1. Why not.
  2. Because.
  3. It was leaking clear stuff before, but now it's more of an ooze, and the color looks bad.
  4. They said you can opt out at any time.
  5. For fame.
  6. For glory.
  7. The judge sort of required it.
  8. They said they'd give me "The Louis CK deal." Which is weird because I work at a grocery store.
  9. It's within walking distance.
  10. There might be food.
  11. There might be sex.
  12. There might be the chance to take a nap.
  13. Someone we know might be there.
  14. No one we know might be there.
  15. Jesus said so.
  16. I already own a shirt that color.