Or: Scenes of My Lowest Moments
  1. On a boat!
    Classic combo of motion sickness and chain reaction after a kid vomited behind us. I had nothing to eat all morning but puked anyway. They gave me a paper bag with a plastic bag inside but I was too late aiming for the plastic. Thankfully not too messy. And not even the worst thing to happen to me on a boat.
  2. High Street restroom nearest La Senza
    Post-Chelsea lunch where I foolishly had to start off with soup. The toilet didn't even flush and I left a child and his nanny to waft in my vom scent. As quoted to me that day (from Sons of Anarchy): "Bad shit happens to greedy whores." Which would also apply to the rest of this list.
  3. Power Plant restroom
    Post-Draft dinner, I think, where we ordered three different desserts (for two people) and couldn't even finish everything and I totally had it coming.
  4. The old Daude tea place at BGC
    Drinking tea, post-Wildflour dinner. One of us also had an emergency of a different kind, and together (but not at the same time), we christened that bathroom that night. (They probably deserved it for using twee paper straws tbh.) Farmacy's kitchen/staff area stands in the same spot now, and the ghosts of our bodily explosions haunt that place to this day, I'm sure.
  5. Some Greenbelt restroom
    Post-dinner and Café Breton desserts. This was within TWO WEEKS of Daude. Probably the moment I realized that my life was an even bigger dumpster than I thought.
  6. Shang East Wing pay lounge
    Post-Green Pastures dinner. I didn't have any change and was probably visibly in distress so the lady let me through for free. Thanks, lounge lady! Easily the best location on this list. A private, luxurious barfing experience--almost worth the dinner I regurged.
  7. At home, in the shower
    Post-Kimpura. This one crept up on me. Felt uneasy after dinner so I thought I'd sleep it off. Then I woke up at 2am and...YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE REST OF THIS STORY.