1. Go to a cafe far from my apartment where I'd left a book on Friday afternoon and only noticed today
    This was necessary because I have a meeting at 11am on this a paper topic I don't know what is involving this book.
  2. Pay cash for coffee at said cafe because I'd left my credit card somewhere
    Called dinner restaurant from last night. It's there.
  3. Order a new debit card because I haven't seen mine in days and decided to acknowledge that fact
    There was a charge yesterday for coffee. But that wasn't me. So I'm paying for some fraud coffee.
  4. Attempt to come up with a 20 page paper topic in an hour
    Because I never prepare in good time, because I am dumb.
  5. Make a list about being dumb rather than preparing for said meeting
    There is no reason for this.