How to Self Destruct Writing a History Paper
A 101 Guide on College Procrastination
- 1.Wait until the night before the paper is due to start everythingSome of you will want to start researching two nights before it's due, but trust me for peak anxiety start researching and writing the same night.
- 2.Don't buy the bookYes, the teacher said the book was only $10 and that if you had an issue finding it, he would provide it for you, but why if you're spending money on college already should you be required to BUY a book? Books add up. It's the principle of the thing.
- 3.Instagram stalk a famous modelFeel deep rage towards said model about how she/he doesn't have to write a paper about the constitutionality of Lincoln suspending Habeas Corpus.
- 4.Reflect on the challenges of modelingProbably a lot of pressure to be in Taylor Swift's girl gang.
- 5.Text a classmate with the hopes they haven't started to feel better about yourself only to find out that they finished two days agoPeople who can appropriately manage their time are monsters
- 6.Spend time making a listYes, the only person who follows you is your friend Gaby, but doesn't the Gaby in your life deserve to feel your stress?
- 7.Feel bitterness towards parents for not pushing you to become Olympic gymnastYou would be a gold medalist with amazing focus so you could probably write the paper in 30 minutes, but you wouldn't have to because you would be on Dancing with Stars currently.
- 8.Wonder if getting stung by a bee would be a valid excuse for not handing in a paperRealize it's December and the chances of this happening are slim and probably wouldn't hinder a person from writing a paper who is not allergic to bees
- 9.Check the time and panicGood, it's 1am and the paper only has half the sentence "Through Lincoln's perspective"
- 10.Go to bed with nothing doneLie to yourself and say you're a morning person who will just knock it out in the AM as though your a White House press secretary.