LIES MY MOM TOLD ME

can't wait to have a kid so i can blatantly make shit up for them
  1. if we didn't yell stop as loud as we could, the train wouldn't stop at the platform
    yw metro north commuters
  2. mickey mouse hand delivered shiny purple sweat suits to our hotel at disney in 1999
    what's worse: that i believed the mickey thing or that i wore that outfit in public
  3. our guinea pig had a best friend named loodle the poodle
    who was conveniently/miraculously always staying at the kennel when we dropped zippy off so we didn't need to be sad that he would be lonely
  4. a black line appeared on our foreheads whenever we were lying
    allegedly some sort of Danish legend
  5. the orange rock i found on the beach was actually from mars and NASA was going to call any day to add it to their collection
    it might still be on our 'treasure shelf' idk
  6. our goldfish just went on a field trip to daddy's office
    who hasn't heard this one
  7. if i was a boy i would've been named sebastian
    still unclear but hoping it's a lie for everyone's sake