REASONS TO DATE ME OR DUMP ME

  1. I text you shit like this
  2. I know a bunch of Will and Kate trivia from a 2am solo viewing of their Lifetime biopic
  3. I have the world's smallest hands and boobs
  4. This is my best friend
  5. Vladimir Putin and I share the same Myers-Briggs personality type
  6. I did musicals in high school
  7. I got a chunk of snot on my glasses lens while blowing my nose and I immediately texted you about it
  8. I have more than three photos of Paris Hilton saved on my phone