Life as a beauty guru/cancer person/oversharer is fraught with opportunities to hear other people be real and vulnerable. I love this and also making people feel better. Often times I have a mantra in my pocket that helped me get through a similar low, or something super sarcastic to remind them they are being so ridiculous. Same same.
  1. Jealousy is counting someone else's blessing instead of your own
    The sin of the Internet generation. I do this all the time if I don't stop myself - and it never makes me feel better it only makes me miserable. it's even in my @Lenny horoscope this month, which is so freaky because I have been particularly bad at it of late. 🦁 (sad Leo face) I don't want to be piss soaked anymore! @lenadunham is Melissa Broder magical?
  2. In my mom's village (insert shitty thing) is a sign of good luck
    This includes rain during outdoor events, poop on anything, breaking anything and other acts of random destruction. It can't be bad, because it's lucky. Subtext being - it can always get worse booboo, don't let this minor thing drag you down.
  3. You can't control the shit life throws your way, all you can control is how you react to it
    Often proceeded by, my mama taught me... Because she did, starting at a very young age. As a control freak I find this advice particularly soothing because life is always trying to teach me how little of it I can actually control. Getting cancer is basically the ultimate lack of control - you stop being able to control everything from how you feel to your hair to your future to who sees you naked. This right here is the sum total of how I manage to stay positive, by being super type A about joy.
  4. It's OK, you're pretty. shhhh, so pretty.
    This works specifically around people complaining about their personalities/careers - it must be pronounced with heaping, dripping sarcasm to remind people they are being ridiculous.
  5. You're right, you are hideous
    Again, this phrase must be pronounced with an amount of sarcasm heretofore unknown to mankind. Best used when people bash something about their physical appearance to elucidate the ridiculousness of their statement.
  6. It's an exercise in gratitude
    Then I point to my cool, tiny wrist tattoo that everyone thinks is a club stamp and casually mention that I get Chemo every 3 weeks in this arm. Nothing like reminding people just how bad it can get to make them appreciate how good they have it
  7. Have you tried coconut oil?
    Just kidding - that one was for you @gabimoskowitz