THE WONDERS OF FATHERHOOD EVERYONE FORGOT TO MENTION

All those little things you never expected, and everyone was too embarrassed to warn you about.
  1. Crying at any animated movie with a father figure.
    Like The Iron Giant, Wreck It Ralph, Up, How to Train Your Dragon, Inside Out, The Good Dinosaur, Monster's Inc, The Incredibles, 101 Dalmations, My Neighbor Totoro, and Brave are just theoretical examples, definitely nothing *I've* cried during.
  2. Learning how to pee while holding a crying baby.
    Somehow even *more* difficult than it sounds.
  3. Seeing every new animated movie in theaters.
    At least it's dark so no one can see you crying.
  4. Watching every animated movie 1,000 hundred times at home.
    At least you can always find some housework to do during the crying scenes.
  5. Wondering how your wife manages to stay sane while spending time with these gremlins all the time.
    Don't feed them after midnight: they will get peanut butter *everywhere*.
  6. Getting upset that you always have to do the dishes, only to realize your wife did them once already today, *and* wiped peanut butter off the TV.
    Seriously, who is making all these dishes? And why do we keep buying peanut butter?
  7. Driving 90 to the hospital on the way to the delivery room IS a thing, but it's not fun.
    And your wife will (with every right in the world) complain about every bump.
  8. Wondering how your wife gets anything done when SERIOUSLY WHO MADE MORE DISHES THESE WERE ALL CLEAN.
  9. You will be unreasonably excited about poop.
  10. Learning to cry while holding a peeing baby
    Suggested by   @ejpevents
  11. 👆
    Surprisingly easier than it sounds.
  12. Eating cereal with your kids.
    This list sounds complainy, but I treasure every damn second I get with these monkeys.