Why Massages Are Weird
Doesn't stop me, but still.
- •Under normal circumstances, it's not okay to push your fists as hard as you can into my butt. Except massage.
- •I once had a massage therapist get annoyed because I marked "don't massage my breast area" on the form. She claimed it wasn't my boobies she was after, it's the front of my neck? Still no.
- •Why did I do that? Because I had a female masseuse with a flat top hair cut massage my breast area. I was too shocked to stop it. One of those, "am I overreacting or is she WHOAH" moments in life.
- •Massage prompts more shaving and showering and overall grooming than any other activity in my life.
- •I overheard a male masseuse tell his client, "That was great. Here are my days and hours if you want more." To which the client replied, "That was rouuugh,but what I needed. I'll call you." I was the only one who laughed.
- •I pay people to touch me with oily hands while I'm naked under a warm blanket. What kind of sick monster am I?