Why Massages Are Weird

Doesn't stop me, but still.
  1. Under normal circumstances, it's not okay to push your fists as hard as you can into my butt. Except massage.
  2. I once had a massage therapist get annoyed because I marked "don't massage my breast area" on the form. She claimed it wasn't my boobies she was after, it's the front of my neck? Still no.
  3. Why did I do that? Because I had a female masseuse with a flat top hair cut massage my breast area. I was too shocked to stop it. One of those, "am I overreacting or is she WHOAH" moments in life.
  4. Massage prompts more shaving and showering and overall grooming than any other activity in my life.
  5. I overheard a male masseuse tell his client, "That was great. Here are my days and hours if you want more." To which the client replied, "That was rouuugh,but what I needed. I'll call you." I was the only one who laughed.
  6. I pay people to touch me with oily hands while I'm naked under a warm blanket. What kind of sick monster am I?