3 Jokes I Wrote in My "Anyone Can Do Stand Up" Class

I took an "anyone can do stand up" class in 2005 with a bunch of divorcees and accountants and made everyone depressed. Here's my sad sack childhood squeezed into the 'no fail' stand up template for joke writing the class had supposedly perfected
  1. It's hard growing up with a young mom...
    Especially when you surpass her emotional maturity at the age of five. You start seeing her mistakes coming a mile away. (Act out) Tom Selleck wannabe with a hairy chest and no job? Please mom, use a condom this time. And don't let him live here for free if he promises to "babysit"
  2. There are some good things though...you do have a lot of the same interests...
    (Act out) "Mommy? Can I have a sip of your margarita?" "Yes. Now shut the fuck up, the Muppet Show is about to start"
  3. The weird thing is, you grow up with no guidance, and then your mom starts feeling guilty and tries to be a parent when you're a teen...
    (Act out) "Punkin? Do you know how babies are made?" "No, but I know that after two daiquiris you like it hard and deep."