4 Best Headlines Ever

I'm a weird news junkie.
  1. Woman tried to wear cheeseburger as a sandal after having sex in Waffle House parking lot, police say
    This might be the most brilliant drunken moment ever. I'm jealous I didn't drunkenly think of it
  2. Woman stabs roommate for refusing to stop listening to The Eagles
    I get this so hard
  3. Knife/wielding woman orders husband to perform cunnilingus
    These paragraphs make me dizzy: According to investigators, Williams showed up at his door and asked Danny Williams and another man to “eat my pussy.” At this Williams , “commenced to undress herself,” reported Deputy Ross Mellinger. While Danny Williams “declined said invitation,” the other man, Adam Watson, told cops that he “agreed to perform at her request.” However, as Watson approached Williams, “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting fro
  4. Woman arrested for biting off pitbull's testicles
    Ranch explained her actions to police: “My son ate all the meat and I had warned him if he ate all the meat, I’d eat his dog.” Makes sense