A Few More Boyfriends My Mom Had

Three more down 54 more to go Cc: @vp
  1. Lee
    I don't know how my mom met Lee, but he was Chinese which was a rarity in Jacksonville Florida. My mom claimed she didn't love him but he was madly in love with her. He owned a Chinese food restaurant and was probably the only boyfriend my mom had had at that point who had a job and was never in jail. The best thing about Lee was all the free Chinese food. My mom eventually married him so he could get citizenship. I cried when I found out since he was a doofus. She told me to grow the fuck up
  2. Dan
    Dan moved in shortly after meeting my mom at Bennigan's happy hour. Being jobless (surprise!) he earned his keep by babysitting us and taking care of the house. Two memories: he hung nunchucks above my mom and his bed and one time he wouldn't let me stay up to watch Little House on the Prairie and I 'ran away from home' to my next door neighbor's house while wearing an eyepatch to treat my lazy eye.
  3. Gene
    Gene was the first boyfriend my mom had after she left my dad (who wasn't really my real dad after all) Gene's full time job was lying on our sofa scratching his balls and eating my Froot Loops while wearing tattered white underwear. The last time I saw Gene he was running down the street in his tattered white underwear, balls falling out, when my dad showed up and threatened him with a gun.