Dreams I Had as a Kid That I've Actually Accomplished

So accomplished!
  1. Buying whatever the fuck I want at the grocery store
    Doritos and red wine? Pop tarts and vodka? I do what I want, mom!
  2. Wearing fish net stockings
    I watched a lot of old movies as a kid and I always related to the tramps and vamps. I was bad but secretly good too!!
  3. Watch Porky's
    I kind of watched this as a kid while I was pretending to be asleep on the sofa. My mom's bf at the time was watching it while he babysat me and the enormous pig balls I glimpsed through squinted eyes had me hooked. Adult review: 0 stars
  4. Curse as much as I fucking want to
    My autocorrect sparks from over use
  5. Get a cat
    My mom made me get rid of my cat when she got a dog that didn't like them. I hid it in the dryer when I found out she was getting rid of it, but she figured it out when I kept watch to make sure no one used the dryer
  6. Drink every drink on this paper placemat
    I feel like every restaurant I went to as a kid had this placemat. I used to fantasize about Pink Ladies and Singapore Slings. I would wear my fish net stockings, curse like a sailor, drink these cocktails and leave a trail of broken hearts in my wake when I grew up. 3 out of four ain't bad!