Strangest Things I Got in Trouble for as a Kid

  1. Telling people at school my uncle Jack was a pimp (he was a drug dealer)
  2. Told several of my girlfriends in junior high that the reason some girls had bigger inner labia was because a guy 'flapped' them when they were getting fingered
  3. Tearing down my Girl Scout leader's laundry line in a fit of rage, when she said I couldn't go to a ceremony because I had lice
  4. Playing tic tac toe with a knife in a freshly baked pan of brownies
  5. Letting my pet raccoon loose when he was in heat
  6. Squirting my sister with my mom's douche
  7. Selling my mom's cockatiel at a garage sale for five dollars