Things You'll Never See Me Do

  1. Drink coffee without half and half
  2. Take a Zumba class
  3. Fuck a guy who still has faux wood furniture and halogen lamps
  4. Dance like no one's watching
  5. Post an inspirational quote
  6. Have a loving relationship with my mom or dad
  7. Pass up an opportunity to make an inappropriate joke
  8. Pronounce pho correctly