Characters of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Ranked

Love Brad & Janet? Come at me. I will win when we decide the winner via a Time Warp Dance-off.
  1. 10.
    Brad
    Strong yawn. Slightly salvaged by his hilariously corny lines and his dancing at film's climax.
  2. 9.
    Dr. Scott
    His song during dinner is excellent. Otherwise, meh.
  3. 8.
    Janet
    Points for protecting Rocky from psychical abuse and then using him for sex, and being very hot in a Greenwich, CT sort of way. Not Brad-level yawn, but still yawn.
  4. 7.
    Rocky
    Essentially an obnoxiously good looking Labrador. Credit for trying to save Frankenfurter (all King Kong style, no less) from Riff Raff's bloodlust.
  5. 6.
    Columbia
    BOSS style. Excellent tap dancing. Ultimately lacking in chutzpah.
  6. 5.
    Eddie
    Played by Meatloaf, so there's that. Strong. A true performer. Ultimately, like his love Columbia, lacking in chutzpah and thus becomes dinner.
  7. 4.
    Magenta
    Definitely boss, a charming alcoholic, dark in all the right ways.
  8. 3.
    The Criminologist
    Classy AF, but still gets down to the time warp. I love him.
  9. 2.
    Dr. Frankenfurter
    All the chutzpah in the land. A visionary, hopeless romantic, a pansexual rock star.
  10. 1.
    Riff Raff
    It's hard to separate Riff Raff from Richard O'Brien who plays him, the genius who wrote the original play and this film, but even once you do, it's Riff Raff's duality and cunning that makes him #1. Next-level creepy and apathetic in his deceiving initial role as the butler, yet also a stone cold Transexual Transylvanian killer who slays his enemies with a chrome ray gun.