CATS I HAVE LIVED WITH, RANKED BY THE STUPIDITY OF THEIR NAMES

  1. 1.
    The Lintball
    His real name is Gimli, but no one calls him that. Instead, he's the Lintball because he's grey and tiny because of his thyroid issues and he looks like a piece of dryer lint.
  2. 2.
    Melonhead
    She was very sweet, but not very bright.
  3. 3.
    Rabbit
    He had the world's biggest ears.
  4. 4.
    Festus
    He was hit by a car as a kitten, so he walked with a limp for the rest of his life. My dad named him after the character in Gunsmoke.
  5. 5.
    Yadi
    He's a Hemingway cat, which means he has extra toes. His feet look like a catcher's mitt, so we named him after Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina.
  6. 6.
    Satchel
    Named after my father's favorite baseball player, Satchel Paige.
  7. 7.
    Boo
    Named him after Boo Radley. Fitting, because he's a little off.
  8. 8.
    Jasper
    Jasper was the name he was given as a kitten at the shelter, and it stuck. Although my mom liked to say that he was named after Jasper, the weird German guy who tackled the underwear bomber a few years ago.