I have a garbage cat.
  1. Sleeps on his back with his feet in the air like he's been shot
  2. Tries to chew on my toenails
  3. Plays fetch
  4. Climbs in the refrigerator every time I open the door
  5. Falls off the kitchen table every time he tries to jump onto it
  6. Runs laps around the apartment like he's training for the Olympics
  7. Sticks his entire head in my shoes as soon as I take them off
  8. Pries open the sealed bucket of cat food and gorges himself
  9. Uses my chest as a springboard
  10. Blocks the air conditioner during the summer
  11. Yells at my roommate
  12. Yells at me
  13. Yells at the shower
  14. Yells at the TV
  15. Yells at me at 5 a.m.
  16. Yells at the automatic cat feeder I bought on Amazon to keep him from yelling at me at 5 a.m.
  17. Tries to chew on electrical cords
  18. Drools on my pillow