6 THOUGHTS I HAVE WHILE WATCHING A TAMPON COMMERCIAL

  1. 1.
    Who wears that much white?
    Aside from Olivia Pope? And she probably doesn't even get her period because she's basically a superhero and I'm sure IT'S HANDLED.
  2. 2.
    Why is all the furniture white?
    If that were my house I'd be way more concerned about getting cheeto stains on the couch than period blood.
  3. 3.
    When am I ever going to be in a diving competition?
    Or a gymnastics competition? Or a beach volleyball competition? Basically anything highly competitive that I have to wear a bikini/leotard for, is not going to happen for me. Glad your tampon didn't fall out on the balance beam! But I won't ever have that concern.
  4. 4.
    Is that skirt symbolizing her tampon?
    I see what you're trying to do here. Once her extreme Olympic daytime activities are through, she can change her tampon and go out with her girlfriends! Paint the town red! Metaphorically of course, she's keeping the literal red in with that tampon! The skirt she always wears dancing at the club as she spins 360 degrees looks just like her amazing 360 tampon coverage! Gross! Quit wearing your tampon as a skirt.
  5. 5.
    Stop smiling!
    The women in these commercials are always ridiculously happy and energetic. Either they are on some questionably heavy doses of midol, or they are the few lucky bastards that aren't starving, sleepy, and achy. Periods suck. Let me have these couple of days to not do sporty activities. Let me lay in bed and eat everything in sight!
  6. 6.
    Dammit, keep smiling.
    Ugh, shoot, they're right. Jump off the high dive, spin around in circles, do a headstand in yoga, wear white, eat a salad, and keep that peppy smile on your face the whole time! Don't show any signs of weakness or they won't let us be president!! Tampon commercials are right! Menstruation isn't a handicap!! Live your life!! YOU TELL 'EM TAMPON COMMERCIAL ROSIE THE RIVETER'S!!!!