FIRST IMPRESSIONS UPON MOVING TO MONTREAL

It's not all bagels and hot girls like you think it is...but that is a lot of it
  1. Cab drivers. Not since family holidays have you had to confront so many strong, compounded and mixed feelings.
  2. If it's not summer, it's winter.
    Enjoy the promising, temperate days. There are about 7 a year. Depending on what kind of God you believe in - these days are either flukes or cruel teases.
  3. Whoever did city planning for road infrastructure was, for lack of a better term, tripping balls.
    Seriously, the highways of Montreal are the Winchester Mystery house of roadworks.
  4. Hasidic children are terrified of my dog.
    they demonstrate this by making expressive faces of horror and over-exaggerated shows of walking waaaaaaay the fuck around him.
  5. Except if they are under the age of 3
    Because to a non-yet indoctrinated toddler, my dog just looks like a moving stuffed animal and this delights them to no end.
  6. There is A LOT of really good food
    Maybe too much, actually. This will make you become a vengeful food critic when eating somewhere less then great because GODDAMNIT doesn't this establishment understand it needs to earn your patronage in such an over saturated market.
  7. Nobody has a "real job"
    I mean it's cool that there are so many artists because you're like, an artist too. But eventually you wonder how anyone has money for rent and craft cocktails. Oh yea..that's because of...
  8. Grant funding.
    It's this thing where the government actually gives you money to be creative so you can actually pursue a career in art. That's what evil socialism does...
  9. Oh, the girls are all really beautiful in very exotic and artsy ways.
    Especially the server at whatever establishments you choose to frequent.
  10. I guess bagels are a thing here. I like 'em but I don't know how hard it is to like something that is basically Bread XXX...especially when there's a bunch of soft cheese smeared on it.