The Thoughts of a Boutonnière Who Fell for a Corsage at the Harding High School Junior Prom

  1. Oh sick, I'm a boutonnière! This is great.
  2. Hey girls! Pick me! I'm boring and white and safe!
  3. Ok, ok, being pretty obviously ignored. Very cool. Very cool.
  4. Oh hello person. Her name is Elena, and she needs a boutonnière quickly because she is running late, and she forgot this was a thing she had to do.
  5. I like her. Let's go.
  6. Oh, dang, this car is full of girls who have a lot of bags.
  7. We are carpooling to Jennifer H's because as much as Carrie and Shannon and Elena like Jennifer H, she is more of "let's meet at her place" friend than a "getting ready together before" friend.
  8. I don't know what anything means, but this all sounds good.
  9. Jesus, Jennifer H has a big house.
  10. Yo, Elena, where is your date?
  11. I bet he's dope.
  12. Go for the finger foods, Elena. You heard Jennifer H's mom. She bought all the pigs in a blanket Costco had to offer. This is your night.
  13. Why did you just hurriedly throw away that chocolate strawberry, Elena? Did something happen? Is someone here?
  14. Who is this... Is this your date Alex? Elena, he's good looking in, like, a reasonable way, and I mean that's as a compliment.
  15. Oh my God...
  16. That corsage.
  17. It's bright and different and damn.
  18. Ok, don't look like an idiot in front of her. Be cool. Let Elena pin you on nice and easy and don't stab anyone.
  19. Alex, it is good to meet you; I am sorry for stabbing you, and if you hurt Elena I'll use this pin to slowly bleed you to death, not to mention mess up your tuxedo rental.
  20. Stay upright, you stupid boutonnière.
  21. Oh God, oh God, oh God.
  22. Ok, stop drawing blood.
  23. I need to stay up or else...
  24. Oh no, Elena's mom is stepping in to do it.
  25. I am so sorry it came to this, Elena. This is terrible for everyone involved. Not a single person is enjoying Elena's mom wordlessly pinning a corsage on a strange boy who is trying to get with her daughter.
  26. Yes, Alex, make small talk about how you haven't really started looking at colleges yet even though you know you really should. I'm trying to figure this pin out, but for some reason it is the hardest thing in the world.
  27. Is her corsage looking? Her corsage is definitely seeing all of this.
  28. Why can't I just stop flipping upside down? Why am I so goddamn top heavy? Ricky Johnson got his boutonnière pinned down right away, and Carrie's mom looked almost disappointed she didn't get to help.
  29. Oh man, Elena's mom is really getting up in Alex's and my personal space.
  30. Is.. is the corsage laughing?
  31. I'm going to flip upside down again.
  32. She's laughing. I'm going to do it again.
  33. I think she likes it.
  34. You stupid moron. Now you're just the funny boutonnière, the class clown. She will never take you seriously now.
  35. Oh, great photos-
  36. Oh hello, Elena's back. I am very squished, and prom is just an exercise in seeing how much I can embarrass myself.
  37. I flipped by accident again. It's not cute to be visibly nervous, right? Like, that's a famously unattractive way to be? Sick.
  38. Thank you, Elena, for fixing me-
  39. We just touched. I touched the corsage. And I think she wilted a little bit.
  40. How do I know for sure though? Is there a trick? Is there, like, a lifehack to see if someone is interested in you?
  41. No, Alex, do not get chips in the corner with the guys while Elena takes more photos. You probably don't even like chips. Chips are just something for nervous people to do at parties.
  42. Mikey Abelson asked if Alex was going to tap that, and Alex said, "dude, lay off. Elena's better than that," so now I will follow Alex to the end of this line, and also maybe we can double date with Elena and her corsage.
  43. Also, apparently Jennifer H's parents are cool with the guys sleeping over tonight after the afterparty, as long as they all stay in the basement, which is pretty tight because there's no way Jennifer H's parents are going to stay up. TJ Ericsson has some pot for after and smoked on the way over, but he's pretty sure Jennifer H didn't notice.
  44. Stop sneaking glances at the corsage from across the room. It's creepy and unattractive and just as obvious as you think it is.
  45. Oh my Lord, she is staring right at me like a badass.
  46. Oh boy, I think I just bloomed.
  47. Do you think she noticed? Probably not, right?
  48. We get to ride in a limo?! That's amazing. Prom must be important.
  49. More photos? Why do we need more photos? Weren't the ones we took in front of the infinity pool enough? Oh, photos with the limo. I get that.
  50. Ok, play it cool. Don't look down at her, don't look down. Stay composed. God, she's beautiful.
  51. I want to do something for her. Can flowers give flowers to a flower? What is a flower's equivalent of giving flowers? Should I just drop a petal on her? I think I'm going to drop a petal on her.
  52. Oh, God, why did I drop a petal on her? What an insane thing to do. What kind of maniac thinks that that is ok behavior? It was cute and playful in my head, but she isn't in my head, so how could she know what I meant by it?
  53. Well, goodbye forever, that's a wrap on ol' boutonnière's chances with the pretty pink corsage.
  54. Ok, we're next to each other in the limo. Find a way to apologize.
  55. I could drop more petals, or I could fall over. That's pretty much it.
  56. I'm not going to do anything.
  57. This is so awkward. Alex and Elena are sitting next to each other and nodding and laughing at everyone's jokes, but they aren't actually looking at each other or talking. Is that how I should act with the corsage? Because that's what I'm doing.
  58. Alex is acting very cool, but his heart is pounding so fiercely. It's loud and scary.
  59. Oh damn, we are here already. I should have done something about that petal. Corsage probably hates me.
  60. Principal Macallan just shook Alex's hand and got so close to me trying to smell his breath for alcohol. Nice try, Macallan. Alex and Elena are going to drink after.
  61. Corsage probably thought that was funny. Did she laugh? Did I make her laugh again?
  62. Why are walking away from her? Where are we- no. No. No. Alex, you cannot put me in the coat check. Keep your jacket. You are a gentleman. I know you are. You went to the bathroom earlier, splashed water in your face, and said "confidence." That's what gentleman do.
  63. Alex, no, I need a chance, just give me a chance to be with corsage, please. I'll get lost in here, and I'm already yellowing, and-
  64. Traded for ticket #230.
  65. Well.
  66. Hey, other boutonnières in coat check, what's up?
  67. I messed up. I had the whole limo to be with her, and I was in my head and didn't enjoy it. And now I'm going to decay to death in the concession stand turned coat room of the Harding High School gymnasium.
  68. I had one night, one chance to exist. And I ruined it.
  69. I'm so dark in here. I hope Alex and Elena are having fun. I hope I was a small part of their good time.
  70. At least the Altoids down in the lower right pocket will still be here at the end of the night to help Alex. I'm losing petals by the minute.
  71. This was fun. Prom was good. I hope corsage had fun and a nice life.
  72. Shannon is really going at it with some kid under all the jackets while I slowly die. Pretty sure there should be a chaperone or someone here.
  73. I hear things winding down, just as I'm winding down. The jackets are leaving, and the bodies of dead boutonnières litter the cabinets that they keep Ring Pops in to sell during basketball games.
  74. Here comes Alex. Oh, he is angry. He did not have a good prom. He hates that he screwed up his one shot.
  75. And of course he lost his ticket.
  76. It was #230, bro. Let's go.
  77. He can't remember. He will come back and get me Monday after sixth period.
  78. I will be a shriveled corpse Monday after sixth period.
  79. Ricky Johnson is yelling that they have to go. Jennifer H is pretty mad about something. Alex muttered something about "I can't look like an idiot who lost his jacket in a coat check."
  80. They are playing one last slow song. Alex just lit up.
  81. Yes, look for me, buddy. Hurry, I don't have much longer.
  82. I just want to see if corsage had a good time. Please.
  83. The coat check guy is showing Alex a bunch of jackets, but it turns out that black suit jackets were pretty popular this year. I'm not going to make it.
  84. Take care of Alex and Elena for me, box of Altoids.
  85. Alex just yelled "YES, YES! The one with the upside down corsage!"
  86. ...he remembered me.
  87. There's Elena. Does she still have her...
  88. She's just a single rose now.
  89. Like me.
  90. Elena wants a dance. Let's do it, man.
  91. Alex, if Elena asks to dance with you, you dance with her. Come on, man. It's Elena from 7th grade homeroom. It's finally happening. I'm about to die for you, you bastard. Confidence.
  92. She's right here. The pink corsage is dancing right next to me.
  93. What do I do? What do I say? How do I let her know that I think she's great, that I had a fun prom, and I like to think that the pink corsage and the upside-down boutonnière are sort of dancing together.
  94. I'm just a stem now. She's just a bracelet. It's over. I'm over. I didn't know how to let her know.
  95. But that counted as a dance together, right?
  96. I wonder if she liked me.